all-i-ever-wanted-dear:

shitfestcomic:

#135

I read this comic 2 days ago and I’m STILL laughing at it

(via emrys-wings)

things that have no chill

torobabe:

-me

-automatic toilets

-people who clap when the plane lands

(via fuckyeahloldemort)

chucklestheboywonder:

WHY DOES THIS MAKE ME SO HAPPY EVERYTIME I SEE IT

(via solarcrashx)

movie:

Happy Gilmore (1996) follow movie for more movie quotes and scenes

(via icallthisonethebluesteel)

thissickbaet:

anonymousmisfit:

isolatedartisan:

italyans:

nasdaq:

#FridayFun time! Now here’s an innovation the world is ready for: The Cuddle Mattress, which introduces slats to the upper half of the bed, making it easier to slip your arm around your partner and still sleep in comfort. http://www.npr.org/blogs/alltechconsidered/2013/08/27/216091675/weekly-innovation-a-mattress-that-makes-it-easier-to-cuddle

this is it.

THIS IS FUCKING IT.

AFTER ALL THESE YEARS OF ARMS FALLING ASLEEP AND ACHING NECKS WE’VE FINALLY ARRIVED

THERE IS NO MORE WORRYING NOW THAT WE HAVE THESE FOAM STRIPS TO SHOVE OUR GRUBBY LITTLE ARMS INTO. JUST THINK OF THE OPPORTUNITIES. MAYBE SOME KID CAN FILL A PLASTIC BAG WITH LUBE, TUCK IT BETWEEN THIS SHIT, AND JUST GO TO FUCKING TOWN ON THIS STATE-OF-THE-ART MATTRESS 

BUT THATS NOT ALL. DO YOUR FUCKING TOES GET COLD? SHOVE YOUR FEET IN THESE CUSHIONS AND SLEEP SOUNDLY KNOWING YOUR FOOT-NUBS ARE FREE OF THE COLD.

NEED TO KEEP YOUR PHONE CLOSER WHILE YOU SLEEP? TOSS IT IN THE CRACK. AFRAID TO LEAVE YOUR CHILD ALONE IN THEIR NURSERY? WEDGE IT INTO THE CRACK. JUST FUCKING DO IT. EVER TEMPTED TO SIP A BEVERAGE WITHOUT GETTING OUT OF BED? SHOVE A CUP AND THERE AND INSERT YOUR STRAW. PRESTO-CHANGO, MOTHERFUCKERS. 

WHY IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT THIS. THIS BED CAN SOLVE ALL OF THE PROBLEMS IN THE WORLD. GO OUT THERE AND BUY YOUR CUDDLING, MASTURBATORY, CHILD-AND-DRINK-HOLDING, PHONE-STORING MATTRESS RIGHT NOW OR I SWEAR TO GOD

Tumblr users should never make infomercials
Reasons why tumblr users should definitely write infomercials.

why would you shove your child into it what are you saying

(via imhavingamassiverennergasm)

readhadraghaslayha:

FKA Twigs

partybarackisinthehousetonight:

never let your printer know that you waited until the last minute to print something and you’re in a hurry. they can sense fear

(via andrewscottinmypants)

imaginehanniballecter:

halloween-cannibals:

imaginehanniballecter:

Imagine Hannibal Lecter chillin in the center of a giant blanket burrito.

season 3, episode 1

I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling 52.

(via menacing-ice-queen)

“If you wait to do everything until you are sure it’s right, you’ll probably not do much of anything.”